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Reflections…
Photo by Walter Kurtz
What is it we see when we look in the mirror?
As a boy, in the aftermath of outpourings of disapproval from my father, I would find myself staring into the bathroom mirror. Concentrating on the picture in front of me it began to look distorted, the way most any word recited over and over again loses it’s meaning. I became repulsed by my own reflection. I decided this was the image my father saw and why my presence sickened him.
As a young adult my quest for perfection continued. I found myself becoming addicted to social approval. My self- image was constantly changing, always overemphasizing what I considered imperfections. Showing a different face to everyone; not a representation of who my authentic self was but who I thought they wanted me to be.
Disapproval not only hurt it also continued to be a sure sign something was wrong with me. As much as being judged hurt I found myself being most judgmental of others. That “feeling” of harsh disapproval was returned with similar harshness. Perhaps I wasn’t the only one dissatisfied with their reflection?
Only after I began to embrace what was unique in me, did I become stronger. The need for approval began to disappear. My judgment turned to acceptance. And as I revealed my journey with each Farm Story my shame was replaced with a newfound sense of worth.
Today I’m not always pleased when looking in the mirror. Yet, on occasion I’ll smile wondering exactly when this much older man arrived.
And sometimes when I least expect it.
I’ll see that little boy from the Midwest, still desperate for perfection- Smiling back at me.
I’m beginning to really love that little boy.
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I see a beautiful inside and out caring compassionate strong willed man that has risen from from his past and taken the bad mixed your own charm. Love your life stories Eddie thank you for sharing. !
Jennifer- Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes when we are living in the moment of difficult times we can’t understand the very strength and benefit that comes from hurt. Thats why I’ve always believed we can’t thrive by living in the past but we also can’t move forward without taking an honest look back. Your reading, support and voice is so appreciated!!! xoxo
I see a beautiful and kind soul. Thank you for sharing that soul❤
Claire- Your loving words and support mean so much to me!!! Thank you for reading Farm Stories!!! xoxo
I think many of us, for various reasons, can relate to this. It’s amazing how being harshly judged causes a person to harshly judge.
Debbie- Judgement has such a way of weaving it’s way throughout everything that we become blinded to it. Until we find the strength to step outside ourselves taking an honest wide-eyed look. Once you get away from it you simply can’t bare having anything to do with it again.
Thank you so much for reading, adding your voice and supporting Farm Stories!!! xoxo
I Know I am, (loving that little boy), wishing we had much closer relationship with one another in high school, I didn’t move back to Pike until starting my junior year, & spent most of that next year & half till graduation in a cloud, lol. Can’t wait until our next reunion so I can give you a much overdue hug EDDIE, you are the best, loved by ALL
Angie- I’m holding you to that ‘Hug’- Thank you for your loving support and heart!!! xoxoxo
Love you Friend, Eddie now is so interesting, vibrant, loving!! I’m sure you were when you were young too! Thankful to get to know you and thankful for your Farm Stories. xoxo
Carla- After so many years of telling and then writing Farm Stories I sometimes forget that boy is me. Find myself laughing at him and at times wishing to sit him on my knee. Like us all he only wanted to be seen, heard and loved. He got his wish…
Thank you for your beautiful support through Farm Stories and friendship!!!
xoxoxo
Enjoy reading your stories .Oops……. More later.. Schitt’s Creek just came on TV.. It is so funny, sorta reminds me of Pike County !!
Suzanne- Never heard of that show- need to check it out if it reminds you of Pike!!! Thank you for your wonderful support!!!
xoxo
That little boy from the farm grew into such a wonderful, gifted and loving man. xoxo
Janet- Thank you for your kind and loving words. You support means so much to me!!!
xoxo
You know the saying “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’. You are one of the strongest men I know!! I love you !!!xoxo
Kathy- When we’re living in the moment- experiencing those difficult times -we’re not able to see how it’s shaping and creating our strength and resilience. Thats why we can’t grow by living in the past but we also can’t move forward without taking an honest look back.
Thank you for your loving support! It means so much to me- Tossing Glitter’
xoxoxo
i see a very authentic and wise man! You have taken a look into your soul that very few people choose to do. Thank you for sharing.
Kena- There isn’t anything that could thrill me more than being called ‘Authentic’ Keeping it real is essential for true happiness and peace of mind! Thank you for your voice and support for Farm Stories!!!
xo
I’m so happy you have been able to “Embrace your unique self” and love what and who you are…….I ALWAYS have. I LOVE YOU EDDIE CASSO XOXOXO <3 <3 🙂 🙂
Kathy- Indeed, you have… Since the beginning!!! Thank you for such loving support.
Love you..
xo
SORRY…….”I LOVE YOU EDDIE CASSON!!!”