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Because I Love You…
There were some girls who sat in my hairdresser’s chair that just exuded magic – you could feel the chemistry between us, even if I couldn’t explain where it came from. It was as if I could do no wrong. Standing, watching their reflection, I could see my finished work shimmer in the mirror- whether it be cut, color or simply a blow-dry. Sometimes just my skillful work with a pencil liner and a Q-tip would transform them. Line, smudge and always blend upwards, I would say. There were even those special occasions which called for all the above. And now standing behind one such girl in my chair, I could tell things about her without her even saying a word. She might have been totally unaware how she had suddenly sat up very erect in my chair. As if she wanted the whole salon to be aware of how good she knew she looked. Maybe it was just the tilt of her head, or the surprise in her smile as our eyes met in the mirror.
She was one of those girls…
One of those girls you felt you’d known forever. During your very first conversation you would share personal secrets without any reservation. And on this particular day, out of nowhere, while admiring my finished work and her reflection, our eyes met in the mirror. She smiled and told me how wonderful I was and that she prayed that someday I wouldn’t be gay anymore…
“Because I love you.”
It takes a second. So many years had passed and I was still to hear those words again. I nervously looked past her reflection in the mirror, now only seeing my own. There’s that little boy again. I don’t become angry or allow myself to become overwhelmed with sadness. Knowing that little boy is watching and listening I find a steady voice.
“I understand, for years I prayed for that as well.”
Over and over, I wanted it gone. There were moments in my past life where the high-pitched praying mixed with such desperation and self-hatred that I knew it had to stop. Because I had to love me. Gay doesn’t define who I am as a human being, but you take it away and Eddie wouldn’t exist.
She brought my tip back over to hand to me personally. She was one of those girls. She told me she would never say those words to me again and she’d see me for a haircut next month. I told her “That’s probably best. But I look forward seeing you.” And though I could hear her heels against the granite salon floor my eyes never left the reflection in the mirror. That little boy was looking so hopeful.
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So beautifully written. Keep it going.
Donna- You continued support and voice mean so much to me- Thank you!
I’ve never met anyone that has such a diverse group of friends as you Eddie!! That just speaks volumes of you!! I love you!!!xoxo
Kathy- When I was young I thought if only I could find someone just like me! Now I think how boring it would be to only know others who think, look and act like me. Being around different folks gives us fresh ideas and perspectives! Thank you always for your loving support!!!
Love you
xoxo
Eddie, you “wow” m again with your impeccable wording.. Beautifully written.
Marty- Thank you so much! Your continued support means so much to me!
Thank you!!!
STUNNING!
Leslie- Thank you for reading and supporting my Farm Stories!!!
Your life experiences, your willingness to share your deepest thoughts, good times, bad times and your deepest, darkest moments astound me. You have the ability to word them as if I was looking though your eyes, feel what you are feeling. Another great accomplishment. Keep up the great work.. What a roller coaster ride your life has been. I love you! XOXO <3 🙂
Kathy- We shouldn’t live in the past but for me I could never move forward without being able to look back. Thank you for all your loving support. Love you always!
xoxo
Bartenders and hairdressers know all the world’s secrets. Thanks for allowing us another peek inside your world and writing it so eloquently. I love you just the way you are!
Kat- So true! And the first thing I learned is a kept secret is to tell no one! Thank you for reading, supporting and adding your own voice to Farm Stories! Love you! xo
LOVED THE STORY BUT NOT THE SADNESS, BE HAPPY FOR WHO YOU ARE EDDIE, we all love you for you regardless of your sexuality
Angie- Being happy is a truly wonderful gift. Self-acceptance is the key. I’m grateful to finally be able to pull the bow off that box. Thank you for all your loving support! I continue to pray and ‘Toss Glitter’ to you and yours!
xoxo
There’s nothing more attractive than self acceptance and the appreciation a person has for themselves and all they’ve overcome. It’s as though you can see their soul because they’ve become who they are suppose to be. I can see you very clearly Eddie.
Maria- Thank you for such beautiful words. I’m grateful I found my way. Your support and voice mean so much to me!!!
xoxo
This one made me cry! Beautiful, as you are, my friend. XOXO
Claire- Thank you so much for reading!!!
Means so much to me!
xoxo
you are an amazing man…a true gift
Xoxo
Jan- Appreciate you so much!!! Thank you for reading Farm Stories!!!
xoxo