Love Letters…Margaret

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Love Letters…Margaret

Posted On November 26, 2014 By chromedust And has 42 Comments

This has always been my favorite photo of Jeff with his mom. There she is, in her swimsuit with the yellow checks. She loved yellow. Jeff is wearing his trademark hat and that little orange lifejacket. With his legs outstretched in delight, they are both looking at the camera with expressions of pure joy. They always looked like that when they were with each other — complete joy in each other’s presence. And through the years, whenever they were together, they looked exactly like this photo.
Jeff’s mother wasn’t a confrontational person. She didn’t like conflict and wanted things to always be light and easy-going. The first time we met, I could see she had a lot of questions about me. I knew she was trying to figure out my place in Jeff’s life and what that would mean. But true to form, she wasn’t going to ask. I found my way into connecting with her when I did her hair. The way to a woman’s heart is to make her happy with her hair. Margaret loved the way I did hers.
When she realized I was in Jeff’s life to stay, we fell into an in-laws-like relationship. It was clear that I was a kind of daughter-in-law to her. And everyone knows about how mothers-in-law treat their daughters-in-law, even when they love them. “You do keep a clean house, ” she would mutter as she inspected the washing machine. “You should think about wiping down the inside of the washer too.” But she would also give me a big kiss on my lips and say ‘”thank you for taking care of my son.” I know a lot of daughters-in-law who would love to hear those words just once.
After more than 27 years I recognize that every attribute of Jeff’s that I adore comes from his mom. His strength, his love of animals, his amazing sense of humor, his compassion. He learned all of it from Margaret – it all comes from her.
About a year before she passed, we were visiting one weekend, and she and Jeff were sitting close together in their favorite recliners. I was watching TV, but the two of them were chatting softly and doing what they always did when together — enjoying each other’s company. They had many similar mannerisms and when together, those mannerisms became more pronounced. Suddenly, out the clear blue, Margaret asked Jeff “How long have you and Eddie been together now?” We never talked about the trajectory of our relationship or the passage of time together. There was a pause and Jeff answered, “about 25 years”. Margaret nodded and said ‘that’s what I thought’. Nothing else needed to be said.
As the years go by with Jeff, I’m grateful to his mother for making him the man that he is — the man I love. I keep the outside of the washer sparkling and he wipes down the inside.

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